Office of Sexual Assault Prevention Education

Consent means giving permission or agreement to something, and it's an essential part of healthy relationships and interactions, particularly in sexual contexts where it should be affirmative, informed, and freely given.

What it means

• Permission or Agreement: Consent is essentially permission for something to happen or agreement to do something.
• Affirmative: Consent is not just the absence of a "no," but an active "yes" or clear indication of willingness.
• Informed: Individuals must be aware of what they are consenting to.
• Voluntary: Consent cannot be obtained through coercion, force, threats, or manipulation.
• Ongoing: Consent is not a one-time thing; it can be withdrawn at any time.
• Mutual: Consent requires that both parties involved agree to the activity.
• Clear Communication: Consent should be communicated clearly and unambiguously, either verbally or through actions. 

Examples of consent

• Asking for permission: Before touching someone, asking if it's okay to touch their hair, give a shoulder massage, or dance with them.
• In sexual contexts: Engaging in sexual activity only with the clear and enthusiastic consent of all parties involved.
• In everyday situations: Asking if it's okay to borrow something, use someone's phone, or join a group activity. 

When consent is not valid

• Underage: Minors cannot give valid consent.
• Intoxicated or Incapacitated: Someone who is under the influence of drugs or alcohol, or who is otherwise incapacitated, cannot give valid consent.
• Asleep or Unconscious: Consent cannot be obtained from someone who is asleep or unconscious.
• Coerced or Manipulated: Consent obtained through force, threats, or manipulation is not valid.
• Silence or Lack of Resistance: Silence or lack of resistance does not imply consent.

Resources

• National Sexual Violence Resource Center: https://www.nsvrc.org/your-consent-guide
• RAINN: https://rainn.org/understanding-consent

Healthy relationships

Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, trust, and open communication. They foster a sense of well-being and support for both partners. Here are some key characteristics of healthy relationships: 

Respect: 

• Treating each other with kindness, consideration, and dignity.
• Valuing each other's opinions, beliefs, and boundaries.
• Avoiding controlling or manipulative behavior.

Trust:

• Feeling safe and secure with your partner.
• Believing in each other's honesty and loyalty.
• Sharing personal information and vulnerabilities without fear of judgment.

Open communication:

• Expressing feelings and needs clearly and honestly.
• Actively listening to each other and seeking to understand perspectives.
• Resolving conflicts constructively and without resorting to blame or aggression.

Equality: 

• Sharing power and responsibility equally in the relationship.
• Respecting each other's independence and goals.
• Avoiding imbalances of power or control. 

Affection and intimacy: 

• Showing physical and emotional affection towards each other.
• Spending quality time together and engaging in shared activities.
• Cultivating a sense of closeness and connection.

Support: 

• Encouraging and supporting each other's dreams and aspirations.
• Being there for each other during difficult times.
• Offering comfort and reassurance when needed.

Other key elements: 

• Honesty
• Boundaries
• Forgiveness
• Compromise
• Compatibility

Maintaining healthy relationships: 

• Communicate regularly and openly.
• Show appreciation and express gratitude.
• Make time for fun and shared experiences.
• Work on resolving conflicts constructively.
• Seek professional help if needed, such as couples therapy. 

Remember, healthy relationships take effort and nurture. By cultivating these characteristics and actively working towards them, you can build strong and fulfilling connections with your partners.

Unhealthy relationships

Unhealthy relationships are characterized by negative and destructive behaviors like control, manipulation, abuse, and disrespect, impacting various types of relationships, including romantic, familial, and professional ones.

Key characteristics of unhealthy relationships:

• Lack of communication: Open, honest, and respectful communication is vital in healthy relationships. A lack of it, or one partner refusing to listen or consider the other's feelings, can lay the foundation for an unhealthy relationship.
• Power imbalances: One partner may exert excessive control or dominance, leading to a lack of respect and autonomy for the other.
• Lack of trust: Unhealthy relationships are often marked by a lack of trust, where individuals feel the need to hide things from their partner or suspect their partner's actions.
• Abuse: Physical, emotional, verbal, or sexual abuse has no place in a healthy relationship and is a hallmark of an unhealthy one.
• Manipulation: One partner may use manipulative tactics to control or dominate the other, leading to feelings of doubt, insecurity, and a loss of self-worth.
• Controlling behavior: This includes behaviors like monitoring a partner's movements, controlling their social life, or limiting their access to resources.
• Jealousy: While jealousy can be a normal emotion, excessive and controlling jealousy can be a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
• Betrayal: Acts of betrayal, such as dishonesty or infidelity, can severely damage trust and create an environment of distrust and insecurity.
• Disrespect: Insults, name-calling, or demeaning comments are unacceptable in a healthy relationship.
• Lack of boundaries: Healthy relationships require clear boundaries to protect each individual's autonomy and well-being.
• Social isolation: One partner may try to isolate the other from their friends and family, further controlling their life. 

Abusive relationships

Abusive relationships are situations where one person exerts power and control over another through various forms of mistreatment. These relationships can take many forms, including physical, emotional, psychological, sexual, and financial abuse.

Here are some signs of an abusive relationship:

• Physical abuse: This includes hitting, slapping, kicking, or any other form of physical harm.
• Emotional or psychological abuse: This involves manipulation, intimidation, constant criticism, or belittling to undermine someone's self-esteem.
• Isolation: The abuser may try to isolate the victim from friends, family, or other support systems.
• Control and dominance: The abuser may control where the victim goes, who they talk to, or what they do, often using jealousy or possessiveness as justifications.
• Verbal abuse: Insulting, yelling, or making derogatory remarks to cause harm emotionally.
  Sexual abuse: Forcing or coercing sexual activity without consent.
• Financial abuse: Controlling access to money or preventing the victim from working to gain financial independence.

If someone finds themselves in an abusive relationship, it's essential to recognize that it's not their fault. It's critical to seek help, whether through friends, family, support groups, or professional services. There are helplines available in many countries to offer support and resources for leaving abusive situations.

Additional resources

• National Domestic Violence Hotline
  • https://www.thehotline.org/
  • Phone: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
  • Text: "START" to 88788
• Love Is Respect
  • https://www.loveisrespect.org/
  • Phone: 1-866-331-9474
  • Text: "LOVEIS" to 22522
• The Center for Relationship Education
  • https://www.myrelationshipcenter.org/

Healthy masculinity refers to a concept of masculinity that encourages men to embrace positive traits and behaviors while rejecting harmful, stereotypical ideas about what it means to be a man. It’s about finding a balance between strength, emotional expression, respect for others, and self-awareness. Healthy masculinity allows men to feel comfortable expressing vulnerability, seeking help when needed, and respecting people of all genders.

Some key aspects of healthy masculinity include:

• Emotional expression: Encouraging men to express their emotions, whether it's sadness, joy, fear, or frustration, in healthy ways. It rejects the idea that men need to suppress their emotions or only show anger or stoicism.
• Respect and equality: Understanding and promoting gender equality, which involves treating others—regardless of gender—with respect and advocating for equality in all aspects of life.
• Self-reflection: Being open to introspection, understanding one’s feelings, behaviors, and how those may affect others. This helps men grow into more empathetic and self-aware individuals.
• Healthy relationships: Building relationships based on trust, communication, and mutual respect, and not on dominance or control.
• Rejecting toxic masculinity: Challenging harmful behaviors that have been traditionally associated with masculinity, such as aggression, emotional suppression, and dominance over others.
• Physical and mental health: Encouraging self-care, both physical and mental. Men should feel empowered to take care of their health, seek therapy if needed, and not shy away from medical or emotional help.

There are a variety of resources available to explore healthy masculinity, ranging from books and articles to organizations and online communities. Here are some great places to start:

Books on healthy masculinity

• "The Mask of Masculinity" by Lewis Howes: This book explores how societal expectations can trap men in unhealthy, limiting behaviors and offers advice on how to break free by embracing vulnerability, emotional intelligence, and authenticity.
• "The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love" by bell hooks: bell hooks explores how patriarchy harms both men and women and discusses how men can embrace love, emotional depth, and connection to become their most authentic selves.
• "Dude, You're a Fag: Masculinity and Sexuality in High School" by C.J. Pascoe: This sociological study examines how masculinity is constructed in high school settings, particularly in terms of peer pressure, homophobia, and performance, offering valuable insights into the pressures that shape male identity.

Organizations and websites

• The Representation Project: This organization works to challenge gender stereotypes and encourages men to explore healthy masculinity. They offer resources, educational materials, and campaigns that aim to break down harmful norms around gender. therepproject.org
• The Good Men Project: The Good Men Project offers articles, discussions, and resources focused on redefining what it means to be a good man in today's society. Topics range from mental health and relationships to self-improvement and social justice. goodmenproject.com
• Men's Health Network: This is a nonprofit organization that promotes men’s physical and mental health, aiming to address some of the unique health challenges men face. Their resources include tips for self-care, wellness, and healthy lifestyle choices. menshealthnetwork.org
• A Call to Men: This organization promotes healthy, respectful manhood and works to prevent violence, discrimination, and negative attitudes about masculinity. They provide workshops, community engagement programs, and educational materials to help men create positive change. acalltomen.org
• The Mankind Project: The Mankind Project is a global network of men’s groups dedicated to personal development, emotional health, and creating supportive communities. It helps men explore their own identities and deal with issues such as self-esteem, relationships, and masculinity. mankindproject.org
• Futures Without Violence: An organization that works to prevent violence and promote safety and justice, particularly for women and children. Founded in 1980 as the Family Violence Prevention Fund (FVPF), it focuses on the intersection of violence with public health, education, and law enforcement, striving for a society where violence is no longer accepted. Their initiatives often involve advocating for policies, providing resources for individuals, and developing programs that help to change behaviors and prevent violence in communities. Futures Without Violence has several initiatives aimed at engaging men in efforts to prevent violence, particularly domestic violence and sexual assault. One of their core beliefs is that men can play a crucial role in changing societal norms and behaviors that contribute to violence. By working with men and boys, the organization seeks to reshape attitudes about gender, relationships, and power, creating a culture of respect, equality, and non-violence. futureswithoutviolence.org
• 1 in 6 Campaign: The mission of 1in6 is to help men who have had unwanted or abusive sexual experiences live healthier, happier lives. Our mission also includes serving family members, friends, partners, and service providers by providing information and support resources on the web and in the community. 1in6.org

Podcasts

• The Art of Manliness: This podcast blends traditional ideas of manliness with modern concepts of self-improvement. It touches on a wide range of topics, from leadership and skill development to emotional intelligence and vulnerability.
• UnF*ck Your Brain: While not specifically about masculinity, this podcast often tackles gender roles and how they affect both men and women. It's a great resource for those interested in understanding societal expectations around gender and how to break free from them.

Online communities and support

• Reddit: r/AskMen: A large, active community where men discuss a wide range of topics related to masculinity, relationships, mental health, and personal growth. This forum can provide peer support and insights into how others are navigating the complexities of modern masculinity. reddit.com/r/AskMen
• BetterMen Coaching: BetterMen offers coaching and online resources for men who want to improve their personal lives, relationships, and emotional health. They focus on breaking down the barriers created by traditional masculinity. bettermencoaching.com
• Therapists specializing in men's issues: There are therapists and support groups that focus specifically on helping men address the challenges associated with modern masculinity. Websites like Psychology Today allow you to search for professionals who specialize in this area.

Alcohol awareness

Alcohol awareness involves educating individuals about the effects of alcohol on their health, behavior, and decision-making. It aims to raise awareness of the risks associated with excessive alcohol consumption, such as addiction, impaired judgment, accidents, and long-term health problems like liver disease.

Key elements of alcohol awareness include:

• Understanding risks: The potential health risks, including addiction, liver damage, and impaired cognitive function.
• Responsible drinking: Encouraging individuals to drink responsibly, recognize their limits, and avoid harmful behaviors associated with alcohol consumption.
• Identifying abuse: Educating individuals on the signs of alcohol abuse and dependence, as well as where to find help.
• Drinking and decision-making: Emphasizing how alcohol can impair judgment and decision-making, making people more vulnerable to risky situations, including sexual assault.

Sexual assault awareness

Sexual assault awareness aims to educate people on the prevalence of sexual violence, its impact on victims, and the importance of prevention. It also focuses on empowering individuals to speak up, seek help, and challenge the cultural norms that perpetuate sexual violence.

Key elements of sexual assault awareness include:

• Definition and types: Sexual assault can include a range of actions, from unwanted sexual touching to rape. It is important to understand that consent is always required.
• Understanding consent: One of the core principles is that sexual activity must be consensual. Consent should be clear, enthusiastic, informed, and voluntary, and can be revoked at any time.
• Impact on victims: Sexual assault can have long-term psychological, emotional, and physical effects on survivors. This includes trauma, anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
• Prevention: Focuses on creating a culture of respect and consent. Programs encourage bystander intervention, where individuals are taught to safely intervene in potentially harmful situations.
• Support for survivors: Encouraging victims to come forward, offering resources for help (such as counseling, legal support, and hotlines), and ensuring they feel supported throughout the recovery process.
• Stigma reduction: Reducing the stigma surrounding sexual assault and encouraging open discussions about the issue to promote healing and justice.

The connection between alcohol and sexual assault

Alcohol can play a significant role in sexual assault situations. Studies have shown that alcohol consumption can impair judgment and lower inhibitions, leading to risky behavior or making individuals more vulnerable to being assaulted. It’s also important to understand that drinking does not excuse or justify sexual assault—responsibility for the assault lies solely with the perpetrator.

• Consent and alcohol: Alcohol can compromise a person’s ability to give clear, informed, and voluntary consent. If someone is intoxicated or incapacitated, they cannot legally consent to sexual activity.
• Preventing alcohol-related sexual assault: By promoting responsible drinking, encouraging bystander intervention, and reinforcing the importance of consent, we can reduce alcohol-related sexual assaults.